Choices

"I will take the ring," said Frodo, "though I do not know the way."

~J.R.R. Tolkein: The Lord of the Rings.

Once I wanted to be a teacher. I would teach the children how to cut out snowflakes from white paper; we would sing songs together at the piano.

Instead I sit all day at a computer.

Once I felt guilty about the choices I had made, and worried that I was "failing at life."

But for all my uncertain meandering, somehow I have arrived here safely, in this good place. And my children learned to make snowflakes, and we sang many songs together.

I used to pray: God, help me to make the right decision.

Now I pray instead: God, help me learn from what I decide.

Sometimes I need to remember that I am here on a quest. Always, God and I are on this adventure together: we are making a life. God teaches me, and I learn from God, and our goal is that I will become, as St. Augustine said, who I truly am.

This journey into the unknown is the task for each of us. We will never know the way.

But it does not matter, for all the way to God is God.

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